i've had to be my own older sister.
it was hard at first, but with a journal, it's easier.
i don't take 'me days' or talk to myself,
it's not like that.
but i make myself laugh.
was i born alone, or did i choose this way,
to be 'a little strange',
out of reach and out of sync,
accidentally?
i wandered away and found those like me,
still i'll always be my only family.
connecting with people isn't the same
when you're already grown
and my family will never be what it could be.
the past is no good for planting seeds.
i've had to be my own best friend,
my own mentor and mom and dad,
and it's hard for some to understand.
sometimes i don't treat
Emily Dickinson's assault weapon by capricecake, literature
Literature
Emily Dickinson's assault weapon
i wish i always were as real
as when i am an artist,
on the Web with artists
talking all in lower-case.
Emily Dickinson slashing convention,
scattered like bullets through paper.
this is what it means
to be an artist in my age:
deconstructing language,
analyzing typeface.
i tell myself not to stare by capricecake, literature
Literature
i tell myself not to stare
i stare so long because these eyes are
completely you:
Irish-blonde lashes
in long, gentle arcs
(the kind which brush tears from cheeks
and dust from truth)
dancing over clear pools
with lavender petals
(eyes that betray nothing
and are see-through)
rub noses with my thumb by capricecake, literature
Literature
rub noses with my thumb
thumbs-up:
i place my hand
soft-side down
on the pillow.
rub noses
with my thumb.
with eyes closed,
i feel you:
coins spinning
on my breastbone
fast and colorful.
i feel you:
i rub noses
with my thumb
and miss you.
if alex becomes sasha
and pavel becomes pasha
then michael becomes--
masha,
right?
wrong.
i fell in love with him
and nicknamed him masha,
and that's a girl's name,
but who cares.
he laughed at the absurdity
as much as at my error.
i fell in love with
a character
who i even named myself.
and when i realized
he was not masha--
i did not take it well.
i learned then that madness
holds hands with love.
i love masha, even now
as he's walking around
in a stranger's coat.